Fiction
by shuutah
Summary: I want to tell you everything, so let's start with a lie. -Liley, Lilly-centric-
1. O N F I R E

**A/N:** WHOO first Liley let's see how I do with these two.

**Disclaimer:** 1) I don't own Hannah Montana. In fact, I've watched a grand total of about five episodes LOL;; I just like Liley fanfics. 2) Opening lyrics and chapter title, "On Fire," is taken from the song of the same name by Switchfoot. Awesome song! Closing lyrics the very end are taken from "Awake," by Secondhand Serenade. Also awesome song! Or well, awesome lyrics lol. His voice irritates me a little sometimes.

Also, warning number final: this is **Lilly/Miley**, a girl/girl couple, so don't like, don't read. Don't complain plz. Also also, this is pretty much unedited... I need to get myself a beta or something. D:

* * *

**Fiction**

Ch 1: On Fire

_But everything insides you knows there's more than what you've heard_

_There's so much more than empty conversations filled with empty words_

_Well I'm on fire when you're near me, and I'm on fire when you speak, and I'm on fire burning at these mysteries._

* * *

It's so hot right now. I can't remember where I am anymore and I don't even know what I'm doing except that my best friend is on top of me and we're both half naked, and my hands are desperately fisting her dark brown curls, and her tongue is dipping into my mouth and dragging down my jaw, and, god, I'm burning and breathless and breaking all at the same time.

It feels like everything's breaking and I don't know why, but it doesn't matter anymore because she's moaning into my mouth and I'm grinding my hips into hers and I don't need to think; I don't need to talk; I don't even need to breathe.

And then, suddenly, we're panicking. I heard the footsteps before, but with Miley's hand traveling up my thigh, I wasn't exactly registering much else. It's only when the knocking starts that the two of us jump apart, looking at each other for only a second before desperately going on the search for our clothes before anyone realizes what's just happened. Or well, what almost happened.

"Hey, bud, just checkin' in. Y'all've gotten awfully quite in the last ten minutes. Not that it's an unpleasant change from the yelling, just… well, you kids okay?" Mr. Stewart's voice echoed in from reality, from the land beyond the locked door.

"We're fine, Daddy!" Miley screams back while pulling up her plaid Capri pants and I watch her while pulling my shirt over my head.

"Oh. Okay, I guess. Well, dinner's almost ready, is Lilly staying?" He was taken back a bit by his daughter's harsh tone and was probably confused as to why she wouldn't unlock the door, and that brought a small smirk onto my lips before I realized it was there so I hastened my search for my jeans.

It doesn't take long, and after successfully finding them I turn to Miley and find her watching me, her questioning eyes pleading... something. I smile because her version of the puppy dog look, although faulty around others, is the most adorable thing I've ever seen.

"Yeah, I'll stay." I whisper to the ground and I don't have to look back to know that she's smiling like she's just won a triathlon in record breaking time.

"Yeah, Dad, Lilly's staying." Miley says more calmly to the door, before she slips a tank top on and walks towards her bathroom.

"Alright, I'll call y'all when dinner's ready then."

I sit on Miley's bed while I wait for her to be done doing whatever she's doing, and listen to Mr. Stewart's footsteps fade away in time with the pounding in my chest. When it's finally normal again, I lay down flat on her bed and close my eyes.

Miley comes out just as I'm about to break consciousness, so I get up so I can look at her and she's laughing.

"Oh man, Lilly, it took forever to get the colour outta my cheeks! I was redder than Uncle Earl when he 'accidentally' fell into that vat of tomato sauce and coincidentally had a bag of spaghetti hidden under his fat folds." She shuddered. "You shoulda seen me! Or well, I guess you did actually, but I… you… uh, yeah."

I smiled because she was cute when she was nervous and ranting, "Yeah."

There was an awkward silence because there's always an awkward something immediately after best friends have almost-sex, and while she spends it averting her gaze to the wall, I spend it looking at her and I can't help myself. If I think about it now, I never really could because I've always found Miley to be breathtakingly beautiful, especially now. Now, I'm staring at her reddened lips and trying hard to remember the feel of her quick, desperate touches while resisting the urge to desperately slam her against her bedroom door and kiss her over and over for fear that the noise might make Mr. S think one of us died.

I guess she notices me, because she squirms under my gaze for a bit before coughing.

"Hey, Lil?"

"Mm?"

"Would you… y'know, stop looking at me like that? You're making me uncomfortable." She looks at me now and she's scared, she's terrified, her eyes are absolutely horrified, and I'm confused.

"Like what?" I ask.

"Like… like you're a dirty old man undressing me in your head." She makes a face and I playfully hit her on her arm (_hard_) and it's like we're back to normal. It's like we didn't just have an argument over the fact that she was dating Jake _again_, and that _didn't_ lead to us kissing and touching and onto her bed, and I totally _don't_ feel the wetness between my legs anymore. It's like the last twenty minutes never existed and I don't know if I'm happy about that or not.

But I don't have time to dwell on it because Mr. Stewart has finished preparing dinner and as soon as I hear it's his special "Yeee Doggies!" I rush out the door. Miley smiles and slowly follows me because she knows the only thing she's second to in my eyes is my stomach and I guess that entertains her a little.

Dinner goes by as normal and Mr. S looks relieved that Miley and I aren't screaming at each other anymore but I think he's still a little wary because he keeps trying to bring up happy topics to keep the conversation going at a good pace. Not that I really mind, but he does let his guard down after a while and leaves Miley and me on cleanup duty while he goes out grocery shopping for breakfast tomorrow.

We finish the dishes quickly because there isn't much to wash when you eat hot dogs with paper plates, and as soon as we're done she races me to her bedroom. It's Friday night, our sleepover night, and although it had a very rough start, that won't change. I'm still sleeping over.

We take our showers quickly because we like to spend as much time as possible together on Sleepover day so it's become a habit, and then we start watching movies. Unfortunately, we're picking from Miley's movie stash and she has the most girliest movies in the world… but I usually don't complain. Out loud. Much.

My mind wanders because I absolutely cannot comprehend what the big deal is between the two main characters, and my gaze also wanders because I absolutely cannot keep watching all the crying and useless arguing going on and I find Miley. She doesn't really look like she's paying much attention, but she keeps watching the screen intently, almost like she's forcing herself.

We're watching our second movie now, and I'm paying even less attention to it and even more to her. I'm thinking back now, back to two and a half hours ago when we were last here on this bed and what we were doing and I can feel my heart racing and my face burning.

I put in the third movie five minutes ago, but I don't know what it's even called. I stare at her out of the corner of my eye, and she doesn't move. My eyes drop and I watch her chest rise up and down. I'm watching her breathing. She's trying to breathe slowly, deeply, and I wonder why.

The credits are running and normally we would be doing something else, picking another movie, reading a magazine, anything. But we're both sitting still; watching the names we don't recognize pass by on the screen, just breathing and blinking and bothered.

And when it's over and the screen is back to the menu, we still don't make any moves.

"Do you want to watch another one?" She breathes out, her gaze still glued to the menu. She moves to put in another DVD, and when she gets back I turn to her because I haven't been watching movies and I don't want to and because it's one in the morning and I can't think straight and because I've been doing nothing but _thinking_ and watching her watch movies, watching her think, watching her breathe.

And I reach out to her. I touch her cheek and for the first time in hours she's leaning into me and I can't help myself anymore and I climb on top of her and when she doesn't protest and just watches me with those dark eyes that I can't read right now, it edges me on even more.

I whisper "No," and I lean down slowly, timidly, scared. I'm scared when my trembling lips touches hers, and when she kisses me back I am terrified, and when she flips us over I can't breathe.

God, I can't breathe.

* * *

_And you're lying real still but your heartbeat is fast, just like mine_

_And the movie's long over; that's three that have passed, one more's fine..._

_I'm trying real hard not to shake, I'm biting my tongue_

_But I'm feeling alive and with every breathe that I take, I feel like I've won_

_You're my key to survival_

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**A/N: **Thanks for reading! Please review and and... I, um, actually don't know if this counts as an M rating... I mean nothing _happens_, really (I did say the word "sex." GASP). This is like Mr and Mrs Smith, which was a PG13 movie I believe and when I watched it in theaters, I was like "HOLY SHIT they can show this is a PG13 movie?" And of course they didn't actually show anything, but it was so implied and so obvious it was just kind of... haha. And I only mention the movie because I saw it again on TV a week ago and lol, I had the exact same reaction. So yeah, if you think I should bump this up to an M, tell me in a review? (I... might bump it up to an M anyway?) :'D Of course, you should review anyway because reviews are awesome. Much love, see you all next chapter.


	2. A W A K E

**A/N: **Wow guys! Thank you so much for all the reviews so quickly. I totally was not expecting it. :'D Kinda makes me nervous because now I actually have to make this a decent story lol;; but look, I love you guys so much I'm ignoring my pile of homework I have to do to write this. LOVE ME, I'M GOING TO FAIL COLLEGE.

Also, thank you so much, **croaker001**, for pointing out that plothole lol. I guess you can tell about where I stopped writing the story for a week. D:! I think I fixed it and if anyone else finds any more - please don't hesitate to tell me haha. I don't bite :3 Thanks for the answers to my rating question as well - this stays a T haha.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own (and I don't really want to own lol) Hanny Montanny. Opening lyrics and chap. title from "Awake" by Secondhand Serenade (yes, this will be a pattern lol). Closing lyrics from "Paradise" by Vanessa Carlton. I like Carlton's old stuff -recently listened to some of her newer songs- sigh.

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**Fiction**

Ch 2: Awake

_And if it's a hero you want, I can save you;_

_Just stay here._

_Will you stay awake for me?_

_I don't want to miss anything; I just don't want to miss anything…_

* * *

When I wake up the next morning, I find myself in an empty room, in an empty bed, and with an empty heart. It's only after I'm dressed that I find her note on the pillow next to me:

"Hey Lilly, I have a breakfast date with Jake today. He's flying off to Cairo later to film _Zombie High: Field Trip into the Egyptian Tomb of Death_, so I have to go. There are leftovers in the fridge in case you wake up before I get back. Love, Miley."

And for some reason, even though I should be glad that she left me a note telling me where she went signed with her love (she had even dotted the "i" in Lilly with a little heart), I was angry. I don't know why, but I'm furious. For a while, I just stood there, unsure of whether I was directing my hate-fumes towards Jake or towards… _her._ But a lot of feelings have been coming to me randomly these days anyway, so I sighed and made my way to the kitchen so I could cool my head because I could do nothing else.

And, like a sign from heaven (or maybe hell), Miley walks through the front doors as I'm waiting for a left over doggie to heat up. We don't say anything at first, we just stare and stare and stare, and after an eternity she breaks it and smiles at me and I smile back.

"Hey, Lills, nice hair." She chuckles at my confused face and I blink and then realize I hadn't combed it yet and I'm about to explain before thinking of a better way to retaliate and I smirk.

"Hey, Miles, nice ass." I wink and go back to my beautiful day-old doggie while she frowns and turns around in circles trying unsuccessfully to get a glimpse of her butt until she gives up.

"What's wrong with my ass?" She questions.

"Absolutely nothing, dear." I smile and pour on just a little mustard because Mr. S's doggies don't need too many condiments since it does nothing but distract the buds. She pouts and crosses her arms at me so I grin and elaborate. "You're perfect."

"Your face is perfect." She mumbles with a scowl before breaking into a smile and walking over to the countertop and taking a bite of my hotdog. "So how's my favourite best friend doing this fine afternoon?" she says around a mouthful of food smiling as I gape at her like she's eating my child and for all anyone knows, the mothers of the (poor) animals who went into that hotdog could very well have been named "Lilly." Each and every one of them.

"Fine. How was that whatever you were doing?" I mumbled as I turned around and took a new hotdog out of the fridge.

"You mean my date with Jake? It was… um, Lilly, are you okay?"

"Yeah, 'course I am. I'm perfectly peachy. In fact, I'm very merry right now. Or yeah, I'm ecstatic, actually. I'm euphoric; I'm exuberant; I'm so elated, I could fly out a fucking fenestra."

"Okay, okay, sheesh. No need to bring out the thesaurus. What the heck did I do to bring out smart Lilly anyway?" And honestly, I don't know why I snapped like that because I rarely snap at Miley unless I had good reason to, like I had last night.

"I just… no, it's nothing," And I turn away because I can just feel my face heating. The microwave beeps and I go to retrieve my doggie before whispering "I'm sorry" to the table.

"Is this… about last night?" She mumbles when she finishes her dog, and it makes me choke because I really don't care to remember the intricacies of our latest sleepover. I don't want to, and yet…

"… I guess I just… I want us to talk about it." I say instead because it's the truth.

"Listen, Lilly, I'm sorry, okay? I don't want what happened to ruin our friendship… you're the most important person in the world to me, and I just… I'm sorry."

I look at her stone-faced because nothing she's saying to me makes any sense. It's like she's speaking Chinese and I can't understand her. We can't understand each other, and while she keeps talking the only sentence that does register, the only sentence that echoes in my head over and over and over is her last one:

"Lilly, it was a mistake."

And just like that, a smile breaks onto my face and a nod wrings my neck. I laugh and she laughs and we both laugh and we're laughing so hard that it's difficult to breathe. We're laughing… and even though my mind is screaming at me to tell her the truth, to just tell her everything that's been going on in my head for the past 24 hours because she's Miley and nothing can break us, _nothing_; I just keep laughing.

I want to tell her everything – so I'll start with a lie.

"Yeah," I echo after we've calmed down because I'm positive my voice won't break – when I'm positive it _can't_ break, "just a mistake."

* * *

_Well, nothing hurts and nothing bleeds when cover's tucked in tight_

_Funny when the bottom drops how she forgets to fight_.

_She slowly swallows all her fear and soothes her mind with lies._

_Well, all she wants and all she needs are reasons to survive._

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**A/N:** Kinda short. Again, nothing was beta'd... er, I'll get one eventually. And yes, I like the number 3 and I do a lot of repeating groups-of-three mumbo jumbo. I also like zero. Actually, I like zero better. But. That's not really a number. Kind of like how I like black, but black isn't a colour either. ): (And yes I used an online thesaurus D: I like smart Lilly but smart people are so hard to write...)

Please review and thank you for reading! Love you guys!

PS - A "fenestra," according to dictionary .com, is, in architecture, "a windowlike opening."


	3. P A R A D I S E

**A/N: **I-I have to update to celebrate finishing my history exam and not dying... because celebrating life is important... I'm totally not avoiding my essay due today... of course I'm not... D':

Thanks again for all the reviews guys! I read each and every one (and sometimes I reread them when I'm bored), and it keeps me going lol. This chapter is alright; I do feel a little bad about all the breaks though. I wasn't able to expand any of the individual sections because I fail but I doubt you guys would like the next four chapters to be like 100 words each haha. That would also be a lot of songs to try and match and I definitely can't handle that.

**mileymadness:** I'm actually not too sure how long this will be, because I don't know how I want this to end yet (though my sadism is tempting me). I'm pretty sure this won't be a monster of a story, like _Paper Cuts_ (47 chapters of awesome and counting wow), but I do have the next two or three chapters planned out for now. It definitely probably won't make it to twenty though lol. But even ten is a "long fic" for me, since I'm mostly a oneshot person. XD;; And everything I've written for fun before fanfics would be poetic-like... things. LOL they were like five sentences. D: FIVE SENTENCES OF AWESOME cough.

**Disclaimer:** Like always, the Hannah Montana show flies over my head, just beyond my reach. Opening lyics/chapter title - "Paradise," by Vanessa Carlton. Ending lyrics - "All Again For You," by We The Kings.

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**Fiction**

Ch. 3: Paradise

_One more day in paradise. It's one more day in paradise…_

_One last chance to feel alright… alright…_

* * *

"Miley, the bell's ringing."

"Mhm." She moans against my neck just before I'm slammed into the wall.

"Hey, Mi… s-shit, Miley, c'mon…" And even though my brain is trying desperately to get her off of me so we can go to class and then my mom won't get _another_ call home and then she _won't_ ask me what the heck I was doing instead of class _again_, my body doesn't go anywhere. My legs squeeze together and my arms tighten around her neck and her hands slither into the boundaries of my shirt leaving a trail of goosebumps as my skin longs for her soft touches and nothing more. As I long for her, and nothing more.

The carnal pleasure drowns my brain like it always does when I'm with Miley like this and when the last bell rings, signaling all students not in class are therefore late, it sounds like a pin dropping compared to the sound of her unbuttoning my jeans, compared to the sound of her labored breath mingling with mine. I have no more complaints to give her and could not even if I had wanted to because she's torn the pages of my brain's dictionary, and when words no longer exist I can only offer her the sound of her name on a fleeting whisper that's as soft as a feather through clenched teeth. Somehow, I don't think she minds.

This is the third time we've done this since that sleepover last week Friday. It's Thursday, and tomorrow is our next sleepover day but I think I'm going to be grounded because she keeps touching me like this and I can't - oh god… god, I don't know what she's doing to me…

* * *

"Hey, Lilly. Guess what."

I groan and slam my head against the keyboard because whenever my mom asks me to guess things, it's never good. The last time she told me to "guess what," I had accidentally broken the neighbor's window playing baseball with Oliver and had to be their personal freaking maid for a month to pay for it. I'm happy they moved (they were probably happy they moved too) because, honestly, those people were pricks. That window could not have cost a month-long slave.

"C'mon, Lill, it's no fun if you don't guess." She says as she hovers over my slumped body. I don't need to guess because I knew this moment was going to come ever since Miley dragged me into the PE equipment storage room this afternoon and locked the door. I just didn't think it would come so soon. So I answer her rather unimpressed and I think she's amused.

"You got a call from the school about how I wasn't in class during fifth and sixth period. Again. You've warned me once already about skipping school this year, so now I'm grounded and I can't sleepover at Miley's tomorrow. I also have to do the dishes for the next week _and _wash your car." I mumble into the plastic keys, reciting the set of punishments I got the first time I skipped school two years ago as my mother whistles, probably impressed at my _spectacular_ memory.

"Y'know kiddo, I wasn't even thinking about including that car part since you're getting older now and what self respecting adult washes their mother's car, but now that you mention it, my car is a little dull around the edges. And since you expected it and all, I'm sure you don't mind. Can't wait for that shine, babe." She pats my back and leaves my room, laughing at me as I slam my head against the keyboard a few more times since I might as well have the same number of brain cells as I have common sense: absolutely none.

Note to self? Don't mock your mom and give yourself punishments, it'll come back to bite you in the ass.

* * *

The bell signaling the end of the day is about to ring and I still haven't told Miley that I'm grounded, but when I find her afterschool it doesn't matter anymore because she talks first. She always goes first.

"Lilly! Hey, um, can I cancel our sleepover tonight? I know it's our special thing but Jake called and he's flying back tonight, just for me. It's our one week anniversary. It's okay, right?"

"Yeah, that's fine. Special night, and all." I don't wait for her response before speeding off to the front doors laughing to myself at how easy canceling our sleepover actually was.

"Hey, wait up. I was thinking we could maybe hang out until tonight?" She says a little out of breath because she's always been slow and she has trouble keeping up with me when I walk in my normal pace. Of course, I was walking a little faster than my normal pace right now, which really didn't help her.

"I can't. Mom wants me home."

"Oh. Okay then. Then let's walk home together!"

"Miles, you live in the opposite direction."

"Do not. We don't live that far apart."

"The fork isn't very far from here. You go right, I go left."

"Then we'll walk together to the fork. C'mon, Lilly, I want to hang out a little. Just a little?" A smile escapes unintentionally while I stare at her puppy pout because she's trying so hard today – so I tear my eyes away from her and nod a little. She grins and entwines our arms together and we walk like that, with our arms linked and our feet in time with each other, and we don't say anything until we reach the spot where we have to split. Where we have to…

"So, um. I guess I'll call you? Later tonight?" she says nervously, looking at the ground and shuffling her feet like a child, like she really expects me to say no, like she wants me to say that we won't see each other ever again. Like she's _daring me to leave her_.

"Yeah." I give her a soft smile because I know, _I know_, that no matter what, I can't stop her. It hits me that no matter how much I reach for her, she isn't going to stop for me but I can't stop reaching because she'll break. Because we'll break.

"Cool." She smiles one last time before reaching for me and pulling me into a hug but there's slight hesitation in her actions and it's funny. She doesn't mind putting her hands all over me in a private room, but she's scared of giving me a hug in public? It scares me a little how I'm smiling right now, with that thought in my head. How I'm taking in her scent and grinning like a madwoman into her hair and how we both aren't letting go. But, of course, all good things come to an end. All good things have to end.

She walks backwards for a little while, waving at me before turning around and sprinting to her street. I watch with a frown and suddenly, I turn and I'm running too. We're both running in the opposite direction, but she's _happy_; she's smiling and I'm on the brink of tears.

* * *

The sun is setting and it's beautiful against the horizon and for the hundredth time I hear the sound of my phone vibrating in the sand, very much like a jackhammer against the serene backdrop of the ocean shushing me to the edge of consciousness. I'm in an isolated corner of the beach, between twilit rocks in a secret cove Miley and I found two years ago that day we both skipped school for the first and last time together and right here, right now, with my face in my arms and my legs pulled to my chest, I feel like I belong.

I'm content here just listening to the world passing me by; I'm content here just breathing as time is flying around me, beckoning me; I'm content sitting here like a statue with my dry tears. But as the vibration's echo dies on the rock wall behind me, I can't help but wonder what Miley is doing right now. I can't help but wonder what she's doing with him. I can't help but wonder…

Is she happy?

* * *

_I couldn't sleep last night; I walked alone _

_On the beach where we always used to go when we couldn't hook up at home._

_I thought of you._

* * *

**A/N:** Yes, Oliver lives in this story lol! He'll come in eventually since he's my second favourite character in the show (Lilly's my favourite. But I don't like Loliver, go figure). So will Jake (I'm still deciding whether to make him a jerk or not ;D). Jackson's off galavanting in college, probably much like me, goofing off on the internet and contemplating going outside to get a bite to eat to avoid an essay he hasn't started that's due in an hour. D: I should probably also mention that in this story, they're juniors, so 17 years old (since I'm not sure how old they are/what grade they are in the actual show). And Hannah doesn't exist simply because the existence of "Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus" irritates me LOL. And obviously it irritates Miley too since I hear she's trying to get Disney to fire her? And she's releasing more songs under her own name now. I think? I don't really listen to her stuff lol.

You know, I just realized everyone's probably going to be all "boo hoo" for Lilly, and Miley's going to look like a two-timing (or split personality?) asshat haha;; It's hard to dive into the head of more than one character in a first person PoV story. D: I guess I'll figure something out...

... I rant too much in these A/Ns... my actual story is probably only like 2000 words right now, how lame. D:

Thank you for reading (and sorry for my unnecessary words ): ) and please tell me what you think in a review! Also report to me any plotholes/mistakes plz I'm a sack of fail and I realize I have no idea how to even get a beta... :'D


	4. A L L A G A I N 4 Y O U

**A/N:** Aww, crap, I'm sorry for the long-ish wait guys! College is totally kicking my ass again... I've been having midterms week after week lately. ): You have no idea how long I've been itching to write something... not essay-like. Oh well, school life sucks. Happy November! (My 18th birthday is this month... which makes this the best month ever. ;D) And thank you for all the reviews, seriously. :'D I can't believe I have so many... (... lol, hey, think I can get 75 before the 29th? Awesomest birthday ever. XD) You guys all rockkkk!

**Vanessa Riverton:** I'm an ffnet failure and I don't know how to PM people LOL. D': But I would love your help! But, hm, maybe you could help me beta another story I'm brewing? XD;; It's still Liley, but this one is actually planned out and I totally know how I'm gonna end it (though I haven't started actually writing it yet). 8D Though maybe I should... finish this one... before I start another story... XD;;

**Roses have feelings too: **Lilly isn't picking up the phone because she doesn't want to. XD She's in her emoloner state... poor Lillypad. ):

And thank you, **mileymadness**, for clearing up that bit of Mileydrama for me. XD Hollywood sucks... so many rumours. lol I'm glad I'm not famous. D:

**Disclaimer: **Hannah Montana belongs to much richer people... I only wish I was that rich. Opening song and Chap. title from "All Again For You," by We the Kings. Closing lyrics from "Who I Am Hates Who I've Been," by Relient K.

* * *

**Fiction**

Ch. 4: All Again For You

_You were everything that's bad for me, make no apologies_

_I'm crushed, black and blue, but you know?_

_I'd do it all again for you._

_--------------  
_

"I knew it." I didn't have to open my eyes to know who it was because there's only one person it could be and because I could recognize her voice anywhere, but unfortunately that person is also the one person I don't want to talk to right now. Or, you know, for the rest of the weekend, which was how long I was hoping I'd be able to hide here. Of course, that was a dumb idea considering we found this place together. "Lilly, your mother's worried sick." I don't move. Maybe if I pretend I'm dead, she'll go away. "I know you're awake."

"What do you want?" I sigh. She's not going to leave, but I still don't move anyway. "I'm missing out on my precious beauty sleep."

She smiles a bit and sits down next to me and begins playing with my hair that's sprawled out over the rocks near the back of the cove that I declared my new bed six hours ago. "Don't worry, you don't need it."

We sit in silence for a bit before the feeling of her fingers cascading down my scalp like a ghost makes me shiver and I have to bite my lip to keep the moans from escaping. "That didn't answer my question." I breathe out quickly when I can't take it anymore.

"I want you to come home with me." She says without hesitation. "Your phone is dead, right? My house is closer and you should call your mom soon. She's scared because she doesn't know where you are."

"Where's your cell?"

"Charging at home. Your mother called me at least twenty times while I was in the shower and pretty much killed my battery."

"Sorry about that."

"It's fine. She's just being a mom." There's a pause, and I know she's thinking about her own mother. There's a pause, and I know she's making herself sad. There's a pause, and then I get angry at the world. My jaw clenches as she breaks her trance and sighs, "c'mon, we should get going."

"But you're supposed to be on a date." I spit out, mostly tired even though it's probably only about eight (not that I was counting the hours) but with a dash of venom. Accidentally. I think she catches it because she doesn't answer right away and when she finally does, her voice, almost as soft as her lips, quivers and I can't understand her. She mumbles and fumbles and I get up to hear her better and as soon as I do those soft, shaking, _quivering_, lips are on mine and between butterfly kisses she whispers into my ear.

"I'm sorry." And it's almost unheard even with her lips moving against my cheek because she says it the same way she kisses me. She says it like she thinks she's the sand on the beach. Maybe she's afraid of washing away. "I'm sorry."

She's still mumbling words against my skin that would probably make sense to me if she wasn't nipping at my neck, or if her fingers hadn't begun skating across my stomach, or if she hadn't positioned her knee against the throbbing ache between my legs. Shallow breathing and soft whimpering blended with the sounds of the rocking waves and the gentle winds until I found the strength, or maybe desperation, in me to push her away.

"You're supposed to be on a date." I whisper, repeating the recurring passing thought against her peppermint breath. I don't want to think about it but the tiny voice in the back of my head keeps flashing red lights and squeaking that this is like adultery and this feels like adultery even though I know it technically isn't. Only technically.

But those thoughts disappear every time she smiles, and when she smiles at me now I realize that through half lidded eyes I've been staring at her lips, but I don't care enough to look at her so I just watch them move as she talks. I watch, but I don't hear a thing.

She's telling me something like a fairy tale, made up of grounded delinquent daughters scaring her only mother into a near heart attack by leaving Castle Lilllitania without asking, and of evil dragons named Jake Ryan come to take control of the beautiful country of Milantis, and of the stars and skies and pretty things to come. Something like that, but I don't quite catch the ending because I cut her off. It doesn't matter, because fairy tales always end with a kiss or two or ten anyway.

----

"Tell me the ending." I whisper against the valley between her breasts as I listen to her heartbeat slow and when the breath against my head steadies, I look up into her dark grey eyes as my fingers reach for her raw and red lips. They look sore and she's not smiling, but her eyes are shining as bright as the full moon's reflection in the steady ocean behind us. "To that story. Is it happy?"

"I don't know." She says to me, distracted, as she slides my finger into her mouth and when she starts to lick and suck and _oh God,_ I slide my body up hers so I can crash my lips against her, like how the waves crash against the sand. Only when the need for survival takes over is when we break apart for air. "The story isn't over yet."

"Then make it a happy ending for me. There aren't enough happy endings in the world."

I see her eyes flash something, but she smiles at me quickly and says, "I'll try," before she leans up into me, banishing all my thoughts, and I smile into her. I smile because no matter what, this feels nice. This feels good. But no matter how great this feels now, I know I'm mostly smiling because she smiled at me first. With that thought in my head and her head in my hands, I can't help but wonder…

Am I happy?

And then when she nibbles my bottom lip and I let her tongue into my mouth and she feels so _desperate _inside me, I give myself an answer…

I have to be.

--------------

'_Cause I don't want you to know where I am_

'_Cause then you'll see my heart in the saddest state it's ever been._

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_

**A/N:** Another day gone by in my little Hannahworld... and about another week or so in reality before the next chapter guys. ): I have another midterm this Wednesday... but after that I should be good until about December, where... all of my classes will have Finals at about the same time... D': I'm gonna go for at least three chapters a month though, no worries! :'D

And... I'll try to make the next chapter longer... I think this one barely hit 1000. I... could have put in the M rated parts and totally got rid of that ugly break in the middle of everything, but er... I fail at writing M. XD;; One day!! ... maybe.

Thanks for reading and please review guys! Love youuu. :'D

.... PS, I don't really like the new ffnet login page look... so confusing. And... did they change it so you can only use one line ruler thing per chapter?! D: This sucks! D: D: D:


	5. S H Y A W A Y

**A/N: Ugh, so I got a low C on my last midterm, which equals FAIL in azn and to the people who give me my scholarship… I need a 3.0 GPA, which is straight B's… guuhhh I need ventwriting. ):**

**So anyway I've recently seen the first episode of the newest season of Hannah Montana because of boredom and I have to say, I do like the humor loaaads better… and Emily got way prettier LOL I love her hair. But the acting… ): I don't like their "over the top" acting (especially in Miley's case), but it had gotten better between the first episode and last season and now… D': That, and I disliked the ending (even if I adored the Liley bits) because it was just so overly cliché, but thank GOD because I don't like Lackson. No offense to those who do like them together because I'm sure this episode killed you all, but I'm sorry, I'd rather half of the Liley fandom turn into LoliverslashMoliver extremists. XD;; Oh well episode's over, here's a toast to Liley subtext! 8D**

**Thank you for all the reviews (and reaaallyyy early birthday wishes what XD;;) I appreciate you all lots so, here, have a long chapter! I didn't want to split it because I'm too lazy and impatient. I skipped Lilly's grounding because she doesn't do anything to defy her mother and possibly extend her sentence so it'd be boring to read. Haha. And gasp! Ollie's here yay.**

**croaker001: Seriously?! We have the same birthday? Wow, happy early birthday to you too then! 8D**

**Disclaimer: do not own HM, obviously, since I was complaining about the new episode above. ): Songs are "Who I Am Hates Who I've Been" by Relient K and "Beauty in the Breakdown" by The Scene Aesthetic. The chap title's from the song, but not the song name because the name is so freaking long. D:**

**----------------------------------------**

**Fiction**

Ch 5: Shy Away

_And I was positive that unless I got myself together, I would watch me fall apart._

_And I can't let that happen again._

_----------------------------------------_

Sometimes I wish I had never made friends with Miley. She's absolutely ridiculous, she's selfish and arrogant and, frankly, an all out _liar._ Did I mention selfish? And yet, over our years of friendship, I can't help but believe every word out of her pretty little mouth. And then I realize that I couldn't stand _not_ being friends with her right now because every fiber of my being, every coherent thought in my head, everything I do; it's all to make her happy. And when I think of it like that, I'm happy too. I'm happy making her happy.

So, sitting here on her bed and wrapped in blankets that drown me in her smell, I'm forcing a smile as I watch her flutter around in the new sundress Jake sent her imported from God-knows-where and I tell her how pretty she looks in _his_ dress, all the while hoping that she'd look even prettier in something _I_ would pick out.

To be honest I'm doing a horrible job of hiding my jealousy, but green's always been my colour anyway and Miley's on too much of a high to notice. The dress is Jake's apology gift – they had a fight after she ditched him for me last Friday – and honestly? It's so cheap of him. Of the both of them, actually. Not money-wise because that dress must have cost a fortune, but it's so… formal and businesslike. I would have sent her a song or a poem or something I actually had to think about, not something so materialistic that must've taken all of what? Ten minutes of my assistant's time to pick ou – god damn it, why is she still giggling?

"Isn't it the most beautiful dress you've ever seen, Lil?" She smiles some more and twirls around a bit and my eyes fall to where the dress lifts a little. I'll admit the assistant has nice taste, but it makes me cringe to know exactly where Jake's eyes will be when she wears this for him. Then again, I perk up a little because she won't be twirling around like that for him after the initial excitement wears off.

"Only when it's on you." I mumble as I close my eyes and lean against the headboard and smile because the last thing I saw was her blushing face.

"I bet it'd look just as good on you." She says back to me and I have to bite my tongue to keep from laughing at her when her voice hikes up all excited-like as she says, "Wanna try it on?" … really, now?

"Me? In a dress? Are you going to bribe me, Stewart? It better be something good, 'cause that's the only way you'll get me to wear it." I open one eye to find hers locked onto me and she's smiling and I swallow before continuing, "W-what?"

The only thing that's going through my mind as she crawls onto the bed is how much her dress is hiking up and how much cleavage I can see from this angle and – damn it, she was right. I am an old man undressing her in my head.

"What exactly do you want, Truscott?" She says as she climbs on top of me, her eyes shining with that dark little smirk I can't read, and I can't answer her because she has this effect on me where the connection from my mouth to my brain just _fries_, so I whimper and swallow and screw my eyes shut and she takes that as my answer and begins to nibble on my earlobe.

When the phone vibrates in my back pocket and startles me, my hips slam into hers and she groans before resuming her attack on my lips. She also reaches into my pocket for me and takes out my phone to drop it onto the floor like the talented little multi-tasker she is – because she doesn't want to risk the interruption I guess – and I let her because I already knew who it was.

I'll have to apologize to Oliver later for ditching him yet again.

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"You can't do this."

"You can't tell me what to do." She doesn't look at me as she keeps packing her suitcase, and I feel like tearing out her guts because that's what it feels like she's doing to me right now. I feel like screaming because I want her to stop her stupid packing. I feel like crying because I want her attention.

"Do you know what's going to happen on that boat, Miley? He's going to try to –"

"He's not gonna try anything. Daddy's going on the boat too. Jake isn't stupid."

"You're not going to be with your dad twenty-four seven, Miles. What if the only reason for this stupid cruise is because you've been seeing Jake off and on for the past year, and he thinks taking things a step further will make you stay with him forever?"

"Ugh. It's not even a whole weekend, Lils. Nothing's gonna happen. So would you quit worrying?" She turns around to face me and she pauses because I think she can see the panic in me. I feel panicked and I don't think I can control myself anymore because she's staring at me with sad, sorry eyes. I don't want her to look at me like that.

"Would _you_ quit doing this to me?" I say because I can't stop myself, and she takes a step back and becomes even more defensive – and I really don't like my mouth right now.

"I'm not doing anything, Lilly."

"You're going with _him._"

"He's my boyfriend. Of course I –"

"Then what am I?" I stare at the floor because I can't look at her and it feels like an eternity before I hear her answer and my mind shatters.

"… Lilly, you're my best friend. I'm sorry, okay? I just-"

"No! I don't want to hear it!" I scream because she didn't say what I wanted her to say and because talking doesn't work right now and because there's a huge vacuum of space between us where I'm afraid all the sound will disappear into. She doesn't say anything and she doesn't move so I clench my fists and storm out because she doesn't deserve my tears, and I don't stop when Mr. S calls my name because I don't want to stay in this house, and I don't stop when I pass my home because I can't be alone right now and my mom is off on one of her dates, and I don't stop when I see the ocean because the sand reminds me of her and the waves remind me of _me_ and the beach makes me feel so sad.

So I stop at Oliver's house.

"Lilly? What the heck are you doing here?" He says as he steps to the side while I climb through his window. "I shouldn't even let you in, you big jerk." He huffs and I deserve it because I've been ignoring his existence in the past few weeks for MileyLilly time, but he stops when he sees my face. He gives me that same sorry look Miley did and I feel like crying all over again and when he gives me a hug, I don't let go so I don't have to see that _look_, and when I apologize he just laughs a little and mumbles that it's no big deal. "What's wrong, Lils?"

"Why does she have to be with him, Ollie?" I whisper into his shoulder. "Why can't she just be happy with me?" I proceed to pour my heart out to my longest, dorkiest friend and I don't know why since he won't know how to help me anyway but for some reason, as he rubs my back and whispers compliments into my ear trying to boost my crushed ego despite the clearly shocking news that his best friends were too busy in bed to hang out with him, I feel so much better. I feel lighter now that someone knows the inner intricacies of my heart and I'm grateful for a friend like Oliver – until he makes a comment about videotaping the two of us making out and selling it online. I laugh and punch him on the arm before he goes off to get us some sodas and I'm left on his bed, staring out the window at the moon shining behind the clouds.

The sun isn't even up yet when I hear the knocking on my door on Sunday. I groan and roll over because I've been nothing but a lump all weekend anyway, but the pounding doesn't stop and when I get up to unlock it, Miley bursts through and she doesn't even say hello before her cold mouth is on mine and, God, I hate myself for not being able to push her away and for kissing her back almost as eagerly as she kissed me.

Between those kisses, she tells me "I missed you," over and over and the funny part is that when I feel her teeth on one of the sensitive areas on my neck that she's taken advantage of many times before, I also feel her tears splashing against my skin and that makes me cry too.

I don't dare ask her what happened on that cruise.

------------------------------------------

Whenever we're alone together, Miley and I never look at each other anymore and we never talk about it; we just do things, because throughout whatever-it-is-that-we're-doing, we're both positive of only three things.

Eyes betray the soul. Words betray the heart. And actions can't possibly betray anything because our actions do nothing; our actions haven't done anything at all. Actions are nothing.

And neither of us really mind it, because she's afraid of breaking and I'm afraid of her breaking and we're both afraid of _us_ breaking and_ oh God, I'm so scared_, but it's fine because as long as nothing is betrayed then nothing will be broken. As long as nothing is betrayed, nothing can _break us._ Nothing will break us. Nothing…

Actions are nothing. So everything is fine.

I keep telling myself that.

"Ms. Truscott."

"Mrs. Jones."

"Have a seat." She waves to the desk immediately in front of hers, and I swallow hard. Words betray my heart, and I've let my words loose on more than just a few sheets of paper. I've let my words tear my assignments apart. I'm a horrible person, and I can't handle my words on my own anymore.

"I'm sorry you had to wait so long for me. I just wanted to talk to you about… well, I'm just a little worried about your latest works." She says as she lays out my last three stories on her desk. I shuffle my feet a bit because I knew this was coming and I'm suddenly grateful that she's someone who actually appreciates student confidentiality and hasn't called my mother in to talk about my morbid mental state. Yet. "They're wonderful reads, like always, but… Lilly, is there something wrong?"

"No." I don't look at her. I can feel her eyes beckoning mine, daring me to look at her but I know that I can't let her have both. I can't let her have my words and my eyes. Not her. "They're just stories."

"But they all end the same way. You drown in all of them."

"The protagonist drowns."

"You used first person."

"I like first person. The readers connect more." I shrug, I sigh, I close my eyes. The back of my eyelids reassure me, iron me, and I get up slowly against my teacher's hazel gaze. "Is that all, Mrs. Jones? Can I go now?"

"… okay, Lilly. But I do hope that in the next story, our unnamed protagonist gets a happy ending, no matter how much you know I love your angst fictions." She offers me a soft smile, and I offer one back because she has the same smile Miley does. She's my favourite teacher.

"I hope so too. I'll see you later, Mrs. Jones." I turn on my heel and leave and before I close the door to the classroom I hear her sigh, and as I pass my locker on my way out I see Oliver and I hear him sigh, and when he tries to stop me I sigh too. Sighs must be as contagious as yawns.

"You didn't have to wait for me."

"Pshhh, I didn't. I was at the mall and had a snack before remembering I forgot some books. Sooo, how'd it go anyway? You're not failing Creative Writing or anything right?"

"God, no. Being creative is my best subject, you should know that, Ollie. She just wanted to talk about my sudden rise in... sadism, that's all."

"Oh. So she tried to pry?"

"No. She didn't pry. She's cool like that."

"Does that mean you're going to tell her?"

"'Course not. Why would I? She's cool, but she's still my teacher. Would you tell your teacher about your affair with your same-sex best friend?"

"I don't have a same-sex best friend." He smiles that goofy Oliver smile he always smiles before he says something stupid, and sure enough the next thing that comes out of his mouth… "But I would totally admit to having an affair with you, my B-F-F Lil."

"And I would totally gag. And slit your throat while you sleep." I stick out my tongue at him, and he moves his hands to form a heart with his fingers, the grin still on his face. "And stop using 'B-F-F' and that stupid hand sign; you are so gay, I swear."

He shoves me gently before we start walking out of the school. "So… what's gonna happen in your next story then? The next assignment is a… fairy tale? It's not gonna be the same as the others, right? Fairy tales always have happy endings."

"Well, I don't foresee any huge dramatic storyline changes for our love struck heroes and heroines. And I think she called it the 'myths' unit. Myths don't need happy endings." Nonchalantly. Just live life as nonchalantly as I can… and nobody will notice. Nothing will happen.

"Lilly," He says warily, tiredly. Like he's said it a million times, and he probably has by now. "You and Miley really should talk about this. You should tell her the truth."

"No." I say, regretting for the millionth time how I had climbed into Oliver's bedroom the night Miley left on that cruise with Jake about a month ago. I regret crying on his shoulder. And somewhere deep down, I regret keeping it from him for so long.

"Why not?" He says, scrunching up his face because I know he doesn't understand no matter how many times I tell him. He can't understand. He's such a…

"Because Miley won't be able to handle it." How hard is that to get through his thick doughnut-filled skull?

"Well, she's going to have to. She's going to have to do something soon because you're breaking, Lilly."

"No I'm not. I'm fine." I bite my lip and look at the ground. I repeat it because I need to repeat everything (slowly) when I'm talking to Oliver about delicate subjects, but mostly I repeat it because I'm sure that if I say it enough times, it'll become the truth. "I'm fine."

"Do you honestly believe you're okay?" He bends over so he can see my eyes. He grabs my arm and stops me from walking. He touches my cheek when I can't blink my tears away.

"… Yeah." I say when he hugs me. "I'll be okay as long as Miley doesn't break."

"I'd rather have her break than you." He says into my hair, and I shove him away and into the nearest tree before I start walking again. "Ouch! Lil-"

"Hey, Ollie, can I stay at your house today?"

"Uh, sure. Why?"

"Mom's on a 'business trip' or whatever, and Miley's… she's… um, busy." He smiles at me sympathetically because he knows that the only time she's ever really too busy for me is when she's out with _him._

"Sure." He repeats and we walk the rest of the way in a comfortable silence because sometimes it's better without words, but lately I've really been having trouble keeping those words to myself.

"She's happy with him, isn't she…" I mumble to no one.

"I think she's happier with you."

"That wasn't what I said."

"I still think she's happier when she's with you."

"It wasn't a question." I curse myself for starting this because Oliver wasn't supposed to hear. He wasn't supposed to know anything at all.

"Lilly…"

"I didn't ask you anything!"

"But I-"

"I don't want an answer!"

"Then what exactly do you want, Lilly?!" There's a pause where I remember that night when Miley first got that stupid dress. She asked me the same thing, and I couldn't answer her then and I wish so desperately to go back in time so I can answer her, but that's impossible and she's not here now so instead I answer Oliver with the loudest voice I can manage without it breaking and I don't know how he hears me because I can barely hear myself.

"I want Miley." He takes a little while to answer, probably trying to find the right thing to say. Or maybe he just thinks I'm crazy.

"Lilly, I can't give you that."

"I want Miley." I repeat, and this time he decides it's better not to say anything at all, but that doesn't help either. "I… I want Miley, Oliver… damn it…"

This time when I cry, he doesn't stop my tears.

I swear to God, _I'm not breaking._

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_Come on, take a step towards me so you can figure me out._

_And I know, I know this is the only way of pleasing the crowd._

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**A/N: oh my gosh that took forever. I'm pooped and hungry and what was I thinking, writing this in one sitting?! I don't even know how decent this is... D: oh well… the writing sucked, but update's an update and lots of junk happened, right? :'D Yay storyline! Please leave a review and please don't expect the next chapter to be this long. XD;; but here's a clue: I consider it a happy chapter! Well, at the end anyway. **

**... LOL FINALLY RIGHT god I suck. D:**


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